Behind Those Eyes
by PenelopeJess
Summary: Thoughts of Addison, Derek, Meredith and Finn from what happened in the GA finale.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N : **World class surgeon, composed, calm, cool and everything that is classy. And she lost it with her husband in front of her peers, in front of Meredith. Right now, I'm going to try and understand why the hell she stayed by Derek.

The title came with the help from Kendel and my dearest Bing. D Thank you guys!

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**Addison's POV**

HowI never sawit baffles me. He's in love with her. I don't even know if he still loves me anymore. He never say it to me, the past week he has been acting oddly whenever Meredith's around. Although he tried to be as professional as possible, I could feel the hidden anger oozing out from his pores.

And then I blew up in his face. I knew, I found out. Meredith is dating Finn, and that is the reason why my husband, who had requested for me to wait for his infatuation with Meredith to pass, who had promised to be working on our marriage with me, is pissed. I don't know if I should blame him. Afterall, we can't help but fall in love with the wrong people sometimes. I can't say if I fell in love with Mark, but I definitely loved Mark. Whether he was a replacement or not, I do not wish to ponder over. Derek didn't sign the divorce papers when I handed them back to him, and the affair is in the past, and I'm trying to move forward. Thinking back to analyse things would not help, especially not when I have no one to talk to about.

After my outburst, we stared down at the crowd that had heard us. He looked to me with embarassment and spun away, leaving me standing there awkwardly. Richard was giving me the eye while Meredith went back to her charts a little too quickly. I tried to be reasonable, I gave him space and time for his feelings for Meredith to pass, I assumed that they would pass. I thought that being friends with Meredith wouldn't hurt, that it would most likely help my marriage if I learn to accept the people he cares for, but little did I know, I was wrong.

To be completely honest, the things I've said to the patient's parents that Derek made me talk to, were partially meant for him. It seemed appropriate in the situation, and everything just came out from my mouth. And he said I was insensitive. But really, does he still love me? Because if he truly love someone, it is to let them go. He's not letting me go, he's not letting me move on when the chance came while he stares lustily after Meredith, thinking that I don't notice. Or the other way around--not letting Meredith go when he chose me. I don't know anymore.

I ran after him down the hospital hallway, trying to talk to him. Apologise for my outburst in front of our collegues that had probably embarassed him. But he didn't respond, only to walk away faster. I picked up speed, my heels slamming onto the pavement as I called out for him again. He tilted his body around, barely taking a glance at me and held out his hand. "Not now, Addie. Not now." he had said before sliding into the on-call room. I gave up, knowing that he needs space. If I were to barge in, force open the door, it's going to turn into an argument, and I don't want to fight.

Then I saw him at the OR board after my surgery. I clipped the pin back to my scrubs and played around with my wedding band on my finger as I smiled at his figure, slowly making my way towards him. I knew he saw me, but somehow, he didn't turn around. I don't blame him either. But since when did things get this awkward between us? Then I started talking, and we came to an agreement that we are working on our marriage, and we don't want to fight. I looked to him when words came out of our mouths in sync, but his eyes were glued to the OR board as he stretched his arms. I refuse to let my gaze waver. Then he called out my name, his gaze still on the board. I started to worry, wondering what that tone meant, but I managed a response. This time, he turned to me, a smile on his face, and he asked me to prom with him. Then I smiled. Everything is alright between us.

I found him at the punch bowl after excusing myself from a casual conversation with a few collegues. I tried to make a joke about myself, hoping to ease the tension between us, the awkwardness that was build up due to my outburst. Maybe I shouldn't have blown up at all. Then I asked him to dance, my gaze glued to the table in front of me. I couldn't look at him if he were to reject me. But he agreed.

The song was slow, he held my hand over his heart while another was placed comfortablybehind my back. Our bodies were pressed close together as we swayed side to side, our heads right next to each other. Then I felt it in him, like he want something. Suddenly, he excused himself from me, and I let him go. Maybe, I had told myself, maybe he's off doing something completely sweet since this is prom. Then I saw Finn alone on the dance floor, and I approached him with a smile. A conversation sparkled immediately. He wasn't with Meredith, Derek wasn't with me. I tried to ignore the possibilities of this coincidence and enjoyed the prescence of another man who actually noticed my existance.

Not long after, Derek was back, his eyes everywhere but on me. I ignored it, afterall, this was a treatment I was used to. Nevertheless, it hurt, but I ignored it. Then Miranda came rushing by, announcing the death of Denny Duquette. Gossips in Seattle Grace spreads like wild fire, and I was aware of Izzie's attachment with the patient. Her attachment so closed that she dumped her boyfriend, Alex, for him. I don't know the exact details but gossips are gossips, sometimes, they are spun out of control, only to end up to be something ridiculous and untrue. Then the familiar blonde came, her cheeks teared stained as she walked by us, hands lifting up the sides of her pink gown, her eyes filled with emotions. I bit the bottom of my lip at the sight of how wrecked she was. Then, right behind Alex Karev and O'Malley, Meredith and Torres followed. Meredith conveniently avoided all of our gazes, including Derek's. Not for a second did she turn her head around. Then I looked to Derek, who has his back turned against Meredith. I bore my gaze into him, trying to read from his expression. He turned around, his eyes searching mine as he drew in a deep breathe before looking away again almost too quickly. And I knew. Something happened between Meredith and my husband, something that I probably don't want to know for sure. After the confession and the resignation of Isobel Stevens, I looked to Derek and awkwardly declared the end of the evening, hinting that it was about time we leave. Derek mumbled something I couldn't catch, but from his tone, I knew he wasn't ready to leave. Richard shuffled pass, I reached out, rubbing the back of his shoulder comfortingly as I turned away from Derek without a word.

If it didn't hurt _me_ to leave the memories behind, I would have stepped out of the marriage as soon as Derek said it'd be nice if I would wait for the feelings he has for Meredith to pass. I gave him divorce papers, my heart already prepared for rejection after staying with my rock of support for 3 months, but to my surprise, he had chosen not to sign them, causing the hope in me to grow. We went for counselling, we had our good and bad days. We had sex, really good sex. Our marriage was turning for the better, and we have more memories to add on to the 11 years of our marriage. Significant ones, even. Like this is a struggle in our marriage, an obstacle we got through.

Derek has been my best friend, the love of my life like I was his. He was there for me when I couldn't hold my shield up any longer, he was there for me when I needed someone to just hold me and tell me that everything is going to be alright. For awhile it hasn't been him but Mark, but that period of time is not enough to erase the feelings I had for him over 11 years, like his infatuation for Meredith Grey was not enough to erase more than 11 years of memories I shared with him, more than 11 years of love I had for him. And it just hurts too much to leave all of that behind without fighting till the very end. It was like a silent decision that I've made for myself--I'm not leaving him, I'm not giving up. He slipped, and I will be the one who help him back up.

So maybe if I was indifferent to his desire for Meredith and just be there for him, things turn for the better. Maybe if I just ignore everything that he has done just for the sake of rubbing it in my face, he would soon start realising that I'm the one for him, that I will be there for him no matter what. Just maybe...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N : **So I've decided to try and figure out what Derek was thinking when he did what he did in the finale. And no, it doesn't mean I accept his actions and it certainly doesn't mean I'm still not pissed at him. I still think he's not going to be able to redeem himself, but it doesn't mean he can't try.

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**Derek's POV**

Meredith. Meredith and Finn. Does it mean she's really over me already? I can't look at her. I just...can't. The moment my eyes trail down her body, I see Finn's hands all over her, his lips on hers, and all over her body. This is wrong. Just wrong. It shouldn't be like this. Yes, Meredith slept with many men, but she claims that they were all mistakes. Especially George. I still can't believe that she would do that to him, but still, Meredith wasn't happy with them. She was happy with me, and now she's happy with Finn.

When she was walking down the stairs in that low cut black dress, I looked up in awe, mesmerized by her beauty. I was glued to the spot, I literally froze. Then the movement behind me jerked me back to reality. Finn ran up to her, gathering her into his arms. And there was a smile on her face. She no longer belongs to me. Addison belongs to me.

As she danced with him, her arms around his neck, I found my eyes glued to her as she smiled and laughed. Her eyes sparkled as her lips curled up, a grin forming. But she wasn't smiling at me, she was smiling at Finn. I continue to stare despite the fact that the woman in my arms is my gorgeous wife. Despite the fact that I held her close to my body, her hand over my heart. I continued to stare. And finally, Meredith saw me. Our eyes locked for what seemed like eternity. I managed a small smile, and to my relief, she smiled back. It was just a matter of seconds, it wasn't enough. She broke the contact and shifted her eyes back to Finn, excusing herself. I saw that as my opportunity. I pulled away from Addison and excused myself as calmly as I can before chasing after my intern. Funny thing was, I didn't feel guilty when she willingly let me off the dance floor, completely oblivious to my plans.

Meredith yelled as she ran down the hallway. She asked me to leave her alone. But I can't, I need her. I need to be her McDreamy. And I need to know she still feels that way about me. Now that Doc is finally put to sleep, there can't be any more secret dog walks, no more trying to be friends. Without the dog, our interactions are limited to within the walls of the hospital, in earshot of anyone who is nearby, at risk of getting caught by Addison if I wasn't careful. I don't even know why I care if Addison found out.

When I told Meredith I couldn't look at my wife like I look at her, I wasn't lying. I couldn't look at Addison the same way I looked at her before I caught her with Mark. When I look at Meredith, it sickens me to imagine Finn's body all over hers, but when I look at Addison, the night I found them together appears right in front of my eyes. I guess with Meredith I just imagined the way it would be with Finn, but with Addison, I remember the way it was with Mark.

Every word I said to Meredith in the exam room was true. Addison doesn't make it impossible for me to feel normal. She doesn't make me go crazy. Well, she does. But not in the way Meredith makes me go crazy. I've seen every inch of Addison's body, and I must admit, sex with her and sex with Meredith were completely different. I know the pulse points of my wife, I know ever curve of her body, where she likes to be touched, where she doesn't. It's like the way she knows mine after 11 years of marriage. But with Meredith, it was fresh, new. Like a breathe of fresh air, the one that saved me when I was drowning. Her body was different, definitely smaller. And there are many things about her body that I don't know, and sex with her was just exciting, and challenging. I need to wonder if the way my hands move would make her peak, I need to wonder if I'm kissing her the right way, if she likes the feel of my lips trailing down from her lips all the way to her chest. With Addison, movements came so naturally that it was almost like breathing. It was comfortable. The only challenge with Addison was to find new positions, new ways, new locations. It was great, but it was comfortable, it felt normal. With Meredith, it was exciting. I need to feel that excitment again.

And then she said it. The way I look at her stops her from moving on. I swore I smiled when she said that, and I moved around the exam table, my body so close to hers. She didn't move away, she didn't flinch. And when I dip my lips down onto hers, she didn't resist. Instead, she caved in and kissed back, and things continued, going into the direction it shouldn't be going. But neither of us cared. I need to feel her body, I need my lips to be on hers, I need to feel the excitment, the newness that I haven't bee feeling for more than 11 years.

Then it was done, almost like it was a dream. And suddenly I wonder, what does it mean for her? She says she likes Finn, she says she's happy with him, but she did it with me. I asked her, but she couldn't answer. And the door swung open. It was Callie Torres. I looked away, my pounding heart calmed down slightly when I realised that it wasn't Addison, Richard or Adele that had caught us. I adjusted my tie, my eyes lingering on Meredith's bare back as she turned away from me, rushing out of the room with Callie. I almost opened my mouth, but attempted to clear my throat instead. However, the sound was stuck when Callie's eyes shifted back to me. Those eyes reflected nothing else but utter disgust.

I made a detour to the restroom, making sure that I look decent enough before coming face to face with my wife again. I don't need her suspicion and her questions, I don't want to deal with them. And she was there holding a casual conversation with Finn. She straightened up, her back towards me as she laughed. Her laughter filled my ears as my eyes traced down her back, the dress showing off the curves on her body. It didn't do anything to me due to the fact that I've seen her naked a thousand times. At least, not when I was trying to check her out. Each time I did that, the memory of her and Mark on _our_ bed back in New York flashed back in front of my eyes, and I will cring. I don't know what got me through the night I had hot shower sex with her. Suddenly, I wonder if it was fired off by the fact that I saw Meredith walking down the stairs with Finn's shirt when I brought Doc back in. Maybe it was.

Miranda Bailey rushed towards us briskly, I could see her from the corner of her eye. Her brows were creased together with sorrow. And then she announced the death of Denny Duquette. It caught my attention, our attention. We looked on, expecting Richard to say something before the interns arrived, with Isobel Stevens leading, her cheeks tear-stained. And then it was Meredith. Immediately, I spun around, desperately trying not to look at her for fear that my expressions might give off something. I felt Addison's eyes on me a moment later, and I turned, facing her. It was on instinct, but when I saw her face, I was relieved that there weren't suspicion, hate, disgust or any of that sort. It was simply confusion. Good, she doesn't have to know. I shifted on the spot, debated on what I have to say. Maybe we should go home right now, maybe I should send her home, then sneak away. I don't know. Before I could make up my mind, Addison turned away without a word, walking after Richard. I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breathe, turning into the opposite direction only to see Meredith. Our eyes locked again. She had started to walk after Finn only to be held back on the spot. She looked to me, exhausted and confused at the same time, then turning her gaze back to Finn when he stopped to face her. My mind flashed back to the time where Addison and I stood in front of the OR board. She had created a scene the day before, then almost apologised, saying that she didn't want to fight because we were 'working on our marriage'. And I asked her to prom. She didn't want to fight, all she wants is for the marriage to work out--whatever it takes. And my mind flashed back to what Richard had told me when I rushed into the on-call room to hide from my wife. Richard had an affair, and Adele knows, but she didn't say a word. Then I realised that there was a high chance that Addison is going to follow Adele's footsteps in our marriage, but at the same time, Addison is strong and independent. There was still a small chance that she will leave me after she was tired of fighting. I thought about the small chance that might happen, realising that if that happened, I would be all alone. I called out toMeredith softly, and her gaze return to me.Then Finn turned around, his eyes shifting to Meredith, then towards me. I almost smirk at his expression--he knew.

I have a wife, a wife who stood by me for so long despite my ignorance and indifference towards her, a wife who finally blew up in my face about me not caring about her, about how she can't make me care because she's not Meredith. I have a wife, and yet I had to keep Meredith by my side. Why? I do not know, or do I? I should be thinking about it,but right now, I don't care. I need to keepMeredith by my side, I am her McDreamy. Tilting my head sideways slightly, I let my lips curl up with a small smile, a silent gesture to beckon her over.Her eyes shifted back to me, then back to Finn again, as though pondering over a decision. There was a smile pulling at the side of her lips, and I smiled my infamous smile.

I'm going to make her choose me.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N : **So yes, I've decided to make it 4 chapters, each chapter with the character's thoughts about the whole Meredith/Derek sex thing. I didn't like Meredith to begin with, then I started to respect her, and then I started to like her because somehow, her smile (when she was with Finn) won me over--slightly. But right now, I really, really don't know.

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**Meredith's POV**

When I walked down the steps n the black dress, I saw Derek. But I switched my gaze quickly to Finn, I flashed a smile and he smiled back, making his way away fromt he punch bowl and gathered me into his arms, planting a soft kiss on the side of my cheek. This man, is perfect. He doesn't just want to get into my pants, he wants to know me, he respects the fact that I'm not having sex for a period of time, he takes things slow in a relationship. Which is good, really good, especially when he just blurted out everything about him to me on our so-called first date. Finn had a wife who died tragically in a car accident, not a wife who is very well alive, still married to him but on the other side of the country. Finn is honest, Finn lays down the cards, Finn has plans, Finn is scary and damaged. I'm scary and damaged. And when he said he has plans with me in the future, I smiled. I really smiled. He has plans. And I wrap my arms around his neck, simply letting him hold me tight while I dance to the music.

Then I felt a pair of eyes on me. I shifted my gaze and they landed on Derek's. His eyes were sparkling, locked into mine as he held his wife in his arms, swaying to the music. For a moment, it felt like it was just me and him, dancing so close yet so far apart, far enough for us to look into each other's eyes and still feel our bodies against each other. Or maybe that was just a left-over desire of me wanting to jump into bed with Derek. He smiled, and I smiled back. Suddenly, I was scared. I pushed myself out of Finn's arms and immediately, he looked to me, concerned. Man, this man is nothing but perfect. And he checked to see if I was ok. But I'm not, so I made a half-lie, then excused myself. Finn had suspected that there was something going on between Derek and I, and he's not wrong, but I can't tell him. I can't tell him my past with Derek, and I can't lie to him. And at the moment he pointed that out, I've never been so glad to hear my pager go off in my life.

And now, he has plans, and I'm running down the empty hallway, lifting my skirt up so I wouldn't trip over them. Foorsteps were pounding behind, I didn't need to turn around to know that it was none othere than Derek Shepherd. I was desperate, I was scared, and I didn't want to deal with him. As much as I'd like to, he has a wife. He has a wife who is amazingly nice to me, who isn't bias against me, who is a intelligent surgeon and an incredble woman. He has. A wife.

I slipped into the exam room and tried to close the door behind me to lock it. But too late. I desperately trying not to cry out of frustration, I had no strength to fight back the force that pushed open the door. All I did was to run to the opposite side of the exam table and glare at him. And as lame as it could get, he decided that he came running after me after I yelled "Leave me alone!" to check if I was ok. I've said this once and I'm going to say this again--he's a brain surgeon, how can he be so brainless? No, wait. Don't answer that. I already know--Boys are stupid.

And no, I'm not ok, and I am trying to move on, and I really like Finn, and he has plans. And I told him all of that, reminding him once again that he has a wife. He's supposed to be McDreamy, he's suppose to be working things out with his wife--for real. He's suppose to fight like hell for his wife because she has McSteamy wanting her back and willing to give her everything she needs. But no, he isn't. Derek Shepherd is here, asking if I was alright after I ran away from him. Suddenly, I'm starting to doubt if calling him McDreamy was just physically. Then he came over to my side and told me his wife doesn't make it impossible to make him feel normal, that he can't look at her the way he looks at me. It creeps me out, but at the same time, it felt good. I turned around, trying to resist him with every vibe in my body. But his lips hit mine, and I lost it. I kissed back knowing very well that I shouldn't. I'm dating Finn--who has plans. Within the last 24 hours I have told Addison that I have not been sleeping with Derek ever since I found out that he has a wife. I remember the pain and awkwardness in her eyes when she asked the question, and then the relief when I told her the answer she needed to hear. Then she turned away, only to turn back the next second, confronting me. Hell, she's one, smart woman. Then I tried to reassure her that there was nothing between her husband and I besides just being friends, explaining that I am now dating Finn. Big mistake. I saw the expression in her eyes as much as she had tried to hide it. It was like realization hit her like a truck, and then there was the obvious pain reflected in her eyes, and I cursed myself for being stupid. And right now, I'm being stupid again because technically, I'm cheating on my boyfriend, and making out with my friend's husband who happened to be my ex-boyfriend. I tried to resist him even though it felt so good to taste his lips once again. But when his arms slided up the hem of my dress, everything else was forgotten.

I don't know why I did it, but I must admit that he's really good in bed. He makes the rest of the world goes away when his lips were carassing every inch of my body, and the feeling is just intoxicating, it's addictive. I guess maybe because of my vow to celibacy that made me a sex-deprived, horny whore that missed the excitment sex gives. I don't know, and right then, I don't care because it just felt _so_ good.

When it was over, he asked what it meant. I couldn't tell if the tone was demanding so he would get an answer, or the tone was simply anger. Anger at what he had done and what I had done, what _we_ had done because clearly, it was a mistake. I changed the topic, asking about my panties while my eyes searched the floor desperately. He asked me again, and the door swung open. I spun around, thanking my lucky stars that it was Callie who stood there and not Addison. George asked for me. How Callie found me it was still a surprise, but George asked for me, something regarding Izzie and Denny, and I know I needed to be there. At the same time, it was a perfect chance to get away from Derek. I need to figure out why I did it when I clearly did not want to. I thought it was a mistake, but after we did it, I'm not so sure anymore.

I was about to go back with Izzie, even though she clearly had Alex and George with her, and I have Finn. I couldn't just leave Finn there.When Addison announced the end of the evening, Finn caught up with me, offering to take me home. But when I turned around, I saw Derek, and I froze. And Finn stopped walking, turning around. His eyes slowly travelled to where Derek was standing and he knew. I hear Derek call out my name, I turned to him. What was I suppose to say? What was I suppose to do? Then Finn called out for me, his voice louder this time, beckoning me over to him. He knew, and he didn't not look at me with disgust, he did not turn and walk away, he did not have traces of anger bouncing off his aura. He knew something was up, and he still wanted me.

Finn respected me, he never touched me the way Derek did, and I don't know if he would because I had not jumped into bed with him yet. But he respected me, he respected my decisions, my choices, and he went slow because I asked to. He has plans. But being with him doesn't feel like being with Derek. I like Finn, I _really_ like Finn, but a part of me was still in love with Derek. Finn has plans. Finn didn't get angry, turn and run away when he knew what I did, and now Derek is just standing there, looking at me instead of following his wife, like he's ready to stay with me if I take a step towards him.

There are two paths laid in front of me. One that is build up from respect, that gives security and holds a future, another started off with sex, went by with sex, ended abruptly without warning, but felt good, really good. The challenges ahead makes me excited, but there was no guarentees. I once asked Derek to pick me, to choose me and to love me, and he picked Addison. And now,it is my turn to choose.

Finn has plans. But will Derek leave Addison for me this time?


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N : **I really don't know Finn all that well but he is involve in this awkward love-square. If you want to put it that way. But anyway, he's involve and I'm going to add in his point. And I really like Finn. Really. But I don't exactly know him so..this is going to be shorter than the rest.

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**Finn's POV**

The moment I saw Derek and Meredith together, I could sense something had was going on between the both of them. They had brought Doc in once or twice, and the energy between them was almost visible. And Meredith, the _other_ owner as Derek placed it, went back knitting straight after Ifirstintroduced myself to her. It was a strange reaction, definitely something I never encountered until the day I met her. But she's cute. And I saw the way she looked up at me and figured, maybe knitting is a way of distraction.

Then when she was back for Doc, I had to ask. And she confirmed that there was nothing going on between her and Derek. In fact, Derek Shepherd is married--which, I never knew. He failed to mention it. And Meredith started rambling. Another point I find completely adorable. And it was like on impulse, I asked her out on a date. And she stalled, and I smiled. And she started rambling, which caused me to stop whatever I was doing and lean by the side of the counter only to smile at her. She likes dogs, I heal animals, she heals people. We have alot in common. And I think she's cute, and attractive. She was the first woman that I felt such an attraction to ever since my wife passed away 5 years ago. As much as it surprised me when the question popped out from my mouth casually, I reasoned thatmy sudden attraction to her was the reason. Instinct, fate, whatever you call it.

She turned me down, saying that she was knitting, that she isn't dating. But that night when I had to birth a horse, she came right through the door without knocking, claiming that she dates--me. That is if I still want to date her. Why wouldn't I? I told her I had an errand to run, that I couldn't make it for a date tonight, and she says she runs errands. So well, since she wants to follow, why not? I got her all geared up, picked up my medical box and headed straight to the stable with the pregnant horse. She knows I'm a vet, and this is a time where I get to show off my skills to her--birthing a pony. I told her that she could stand back and watch because really, since when is childbirth all neat and tidy? But she stared at me, then declared that she wants to birth a horse.

Then Doc was sick again--Derek brought him in. I did some scans and procedures, only to find out that he has cancer. I tried to downplay the level of damage the pet is suffering from, only to keep her feelings in tact. She doesn't want to let him go, and she, as a doctor, knows that at that stage, any form of treatment would not help. Amputation, perhaps, but the best is still to put the animal to sleep. And she said it's not her only choice, that is was also Derek's dog, that he should have a say in this as well. Meredith birth horses, she's a doctor, a surgeon, she is compassionate, and wanting to prolong the life of a dog who is very sick is definitely not compassionate. She knows he's not going to make it, but she's still holding on to it. Then I asked her--what is she really holding on to? Is it really the dog, or is it something else? She couldn't answer me, and my suspicions about her and Derek started to grow. I prompted the question, but her pager beeped, and she hurried out of my house.

Derek is married. Derek has a wife--who is nice, and entertaining. Yes, Addison Shepherd is a gorgeous, intelligent lady. And I really like Meredith. I have plans. I thought it might freak her out when I confessed, but she didn't. She simply smile and say "You have plans.", and she wrap her arms around me as we danced. I smiled with relief. She didn't freak, and I have plans.

Seconds after holding her in my arms, she pushed away, it was like something in her suddenly changed. I asked if she was alright, and she rambled something about her not being able to breathe and that she needed some air, so I let her go. Moments later, I saw the red head with the red gown and made my way towards her. A conversation sparked off naturally. Derek Shepherd isn't with her, and Meredith said she needed some air. I tried to ignore the percentage of probability that the both of them may be together. Maybe, I figured, that they needed to take some time off after what happened to their dog.

Later, Derek returned, and there was no sigh of Meredith. A shorter, black woman made her way towards us, revealing the death of a patient. Next moment, a group of surgical interns walked by, Meredith included. I watch her go, worried that the death of her dog and the death of a patient might be too much for her to handle. Thankfully, Addison announced the end of the evening, walking off with the Chief of Surgery while Derek's eyes stayed glued to the view through the glass casing of the hospital. I made my way to Meredith, telling her that I would take her home, but at the same time, pondering over the idea of taking her somewhere to cheer her up. I expected her to follow me, but she didn't. When I turned around, she was standing by the stair way, her eyes drawn back to me quickly when she saw I stopped. Someone called out her name, causing her to turnaway.Then I turned, following where her gaze was lingering and saw Derek Shepherd. That moment I knew--there was something going on between the two. There might be a possible history. What it was I couldn't and didn't want to figure out right then. Derek is married to an amazing woman, and I really like Meredith. I figured Meredith's 'scary and damaged' may have something to do with Derek, but I don't really care. I like her for who she is, and I accepted her, scary and damaged or not. And I'm not going to allow Meredith to walk down the path of being scary and damaged again.

Derek turn around to face me slowly, and in his eyes, there was challenge, a dare for me to call out to the same woman he just called out to, a dare for me to try and persuade her to come to me because right now, Meredith is just standing there, her eyes shifting back and forth between the both of us. Although amused by the silent challenge set by a married man, I accepted it, turning to face Meredith again as I called out her name, louder, more sincere. And I waited, and I prayed while she was clearly weighing her choices, that she would turn around and take her first step to me, to our future that I've planned for. At the moment, there was only a single phrase in my mind--_Choose me._


End file.
